


Prodigy

by Nope



Category: New X-Men: Academy X
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-24
Updated: 2007-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-25 05:37:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1634381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nope/pseuds/Nope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who are you?  It shouldn't be a hard question.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prodigy

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Ryuutchi

 

 

 _How do you learn to spell?_  
Blood, sky  & the sun,  
your own name first,  
your first naming, your first name,  
your first word.  
  
 **\--Margaret Atwood**

~

**WHERE WE COME IN**

Who are you? It shouldn't be a hard question. Just another high school kid. Sure, your classes include combat training and some days you end up in Hell or the universe gets rewritten and you don't have enough fingers and toes to count your dead on--

No.

Who are you? Did you take biology -- did you learn this? Kingdom. Phylum. Class. Order. Family. Genus. Species. Common Name. Christian name. Codename. Nickname. Designation. Epithet.

(Sapien. Flatscan. Mutie go home.)

Mr Logan teaches meditation. Some people laugh. Did you? Mr Logan is a samurai. He is a superhero. He is an antihero. He is a feral creature. He is a monster balanced on a knife edge. He teaches meditation. He teaches stillness, and motion, nothingness and self.

And once he brings, perhaps, a chair in with him and says "describe this." You, perhaps, say the obvious: it's a chair. He smiles that little feral smile of his. "Four legs, you sit on it. An antiques dealer will tell you it's Regency, give you a dollar figure. A craftsman will tell you how it's made. Poets and painters might give you some arty-farty crap about colours and aesthetics and soul. The teachers could tell you its history. Blindfold there could tell you its future. Once upon a time, it was a tree--"

Snikt. Slash. Snikt.

"--and now it's just dust for the pan."

How do you describe the entirety of something? Understand the importance of context. Understand the importance of history, past and future. Understand the importance of names. What is lost in the labelling, and what is gained?

You have powers, or you don't. You have friends, or you don't. You have a home, or you don't. You remember. Or you don't.

Who are you?

~

**WHERE WE ARE**

It was a nice day. Not too hot, not too cold, just enough of a breeze to make Frisbee interesting. If you didn't look up too much, you didn't notice the giant robot-suits standing around the school and the Limbo thing had come with a big retcon for the property damage which was nice, even if hardly anything else had been. Life was as close a pretence of normalcy as it ever got, and Victor found himself grinning although it was hard to tell because he was busy snapping an over-shot Frisbee out of the air with his tongue and sending it whistling back.

"That can't be hygienic," Paras complained, plucking it gingerly out of the air.

"It won't do you any harm," Cessily said.

"You're the youngest mutant," Santo needlessly reminded everyone. "You don't need to worry about disease. The demons or killer robots or whatever will get you first."

"Santo!"

"What?"

"I wasn't worried about me," Paras lied. "I'm worried Victor will get ... Frisbee tongue or something. It's been in the mud and the trees and the pool--"

"Yeah, why do we let you play again?" Victor asked Santo.

"I'm awesome?"

"You awesomely suck."

"Was that a come on?" Santo grinned.

"Throw the damn Frisbee, Indra."

Paras did. Ben bounded to intercept it, his flame flickering back in the breeze. The wind-caught Frisbee slipped past his outstretched fingers and he went tumbling. Santo caught them both.

"That was a come on. Vic totally wants me."

"Shut it," said Victor.

"I really don't think it was," Ben said. "Um. You can put me down now."

"I dunno, matchstick," Santo said. "Vic is pretty horny."

"Yeah, that's real funny." Victor rolled his eyes. "I haven't heard that one before. Throw the damn thing."

"Not me!" yelped Ben as Santo hefted the boy.

"Santo," said Cessily dangerously.

"Aww." He tossed the Frisbee hard her way and Ben lightly towards the ground.

Ben landed on his feet which just went to show all those training sessions were actually useful for something, and not just Logan begin sadistic. Cessily stretched up to grab the Frisbee, skin gleaming in the sun, bending to absorb the impact and then -- snapping back to her usual form -- she threw it straight back. Paras yelped and ducked as it whistled through where his head had been and smacked Santo in the chest. It bounced with a loud crack and Victor -- demonstrating the advantages of enhanced agility -- snagged it out of the air with the tip of one extended claw. He rolled once in mid-air and landed neatly in front of Santo.

"Who's the man?"

"That was pretty cool," Ben agreed.

"Hey," said Santo thoughtfully, "you know how if bits of you get cut off, they grow back bigger and badder--"

Everyone looked blank. Santo tugged pointedly at Victor's belt. Paras still looked blank. Ben winced. Cessily rolled her eyes.

"..ohhhh," Paras said, looking thoughtful.

Victor knocked Santo's hand away. "You are so gross."

"Maybe you'd change sex like the Jurassic Park dinosaurs."

"Maybe you should shut up."

"It might get bigger every time--"

"I think your brain gets smaller every time you explode."

"More bang for your buck, baby."

"You're going down, Santo!"

"Stop hitting on me, Vic."

"Could you PLEASE stop bickering for ONE GODDAMN MINUTE?" Cessily yelled.

There was a long moment of stunned silence, and then Santo shrugged. "Uhh... No?"

Cessily managed an apologetic smile. "You're like an old married couple."

Victor let out a heartfelt "eww". Ben coughed to cover laughter.

"Only in Canada and Vermont." Santo slung an arm across Victor's shoulders, almost toppling the smaller boy. "Everywhere else, ours is a forbidden love."

Victor wriggled out from under Santo, using both arms to shove the other boy away -- although not before Santa had managed to lay a big, smacking, sloppy kiss on his head. "...hate you. So much."

"There's no denying the Santo love, dude."

"Deny this!" Victor yelled, chucking the Frisbee away and lunging at Santo -- who had been expecting this and deftly dodged. Ben yelped as Victor crashed into him, throwing his hands up instinctively. Fire blasted wildly, scorching the ground and, by complete fluke, melting the Frisbee which fell in sizzling rain on an instantly armoured Paras and a face-palming Cessily. Victor missed all this, because he was busy rolling neatly to his feet and leaping back at Santo. They crashed together and tumbled backwards, Victor on top, growling.

"Chill, Vic. You're freaking out Indra again." Santo caught Victor's wrists. "You're pretty scary for a short-ass."

"Oh, you are so dead!"

He twisted to kick Santo in the face, freeing himself. Punching, kicking, and yelling they went tumbling together down the hill, crashing into the conservatory wall. An audience quickly gathered at the windows and chants of "Fight! Fight! Fight!" went up.

Cessily sighed, watching Ben and Paras stomp on smoking grass to put it out. "This is why we don't play Frisbee anymore."

#

Julian had excused himself from the Frisbee game and gone wandering instead, both looking for and not looking for Laura at the same time, because he both wanted to talk to her and also had absolutely no idea at all what he would say. He'd wasted a couple of hours hiding from Doctor McCoy in various places, but even that had finally stopped being distracting enough and so now he was strolling back to his room, figuring he might as well do some homework or something.

And how sad was his life where homework was actually a step up? Yeah.

He slouched up the corridor to his room and gave his door a hard shove to open it. The door, which was rather softer to the touch then he'd expected, said 'unf!'

Julian eyed it for a moment, and then poked it again. "Victor?"

"Yes! Stop poking me." Colours rippled, door-brown into Victor-green, who leaned around Julian to look both ways down the corridor.

"Who are-- Are you hiding from Santo?"

"No!" Julian grinned. Victor glared. "Yes. Can I come in?"

"Sure." Julian reached around Victor to open the door. The smaller boy half stumbled backward into the room and Julian followed him in, closing and locking the door behind him. Not that that would keep most people out, but at least it made it slightly more likely they'd knock first. "Frisbee turn out a drag? Santo being Santo?"

"In spades." Victor almost sat on the bed that had been Brian's, then changed direction at the last moment, pushing books out of the way and sitting on Julian's desk instead.

Julian sat down on his own bed. There were actually chairs in the room, but they never seemed to get all that used for some reason. "So you bailed."

"He just keeps pushing. I had to get out of there before I--" Victor growled.

"Kissed him or killed him?" Julian suggested blithely.

"If I wanted to kiss a bunch of rocks, I'd go lie down in the gravel."

Julian snorted. "Full body kissing. Dedication."

"Bite me," said Victor without rancour. He shifted on the desk, getting comfortable, and picked up the framed squad photo. The old squad, back when there was more of them. Kevin, gone now. Sooraya. Cessily. Julian in the middle with a huge grin. Brian, permanently gone. Miss Frost, regal on the right. Santo loomed large in the background, still in his original body, like a grey Thing.

"He never takes me seriously."

"It's Santo. He doesn't take anything seriously."

"I lead a squad," Victor complained, putting the photo carefully back in place. "Alpha squadron, that was me."

"And you have the highest English scores in the year." After a moment, Julian added "geek."

"I can tongue you from--" Victor broke off as Julian started laughing. "I'm thinking of rephrasing that."

"Shame." Julian grinned.

"Don't you start," Victor complained.

Julian shrugged, flopping back on his bed, head resting on his hands. "Most mutants are bisexual anyway."

"I-- You--" Victor rubbed at his head-spikes. "What?"

"Well, sure. Look at Cessily and Laura. Ms Pryde. Ms Frost. Bobby Drake. Josh. Brian. Me. Quentin -- mind you, he was bugnuts, so not the best of examples."

"Right. ...you? And Brian?"

"Me and Brian. Roommates with benefits." Julian grinned at him. Victor was about to say something else -- he wasn't sure what -- when there came a pounding on the door, and he instinctively blurred to fit in with his surroundings. Julian rolled his eyes and yelled, "what? I'm working!"

"Hey, dude," rumbled Santo from outside. "You seen Vic?"

"Try the tree-houses," Julian yelled.

"Thanks!"

They listened to the heavy pound of his footfalls fade away. Victor faded back into view a little sheepishly.

"Complete other end of the estate," Julian said. "He'll be gone for ages. So you can go if you want. You're welcome to hang though."

"Yeah." Victor nodded.

Julian waited, but it seemed like nothing else was going to be forthcoming from the other boy. Finally, he said, "Kevin had a bit of a crush on me."

Victor snorted. "He did not."

"It was kinda sweet."

"You are so full of yourself."

Julian grinned but quickly fell serious. "We're going to get him back, you know. He needs to be here with us. We're his friends -- his family. I'm going to ask Laura to help me track him down."

"If she doesn't kill you for snogging Nori."

"I didn't--!" Julian caught Victor's grin. "Oh, you think you're real funny, lizard boy?"

Victor started to answer, but it became a yelp as he suddenly found himself yanked up off the desk into the air.

"Don't explode me!"

"I'm not going to explode you."

"I heard about the paperclip."

Everyone had, Julian knew. Gossip travelled faster than light in this school.

"You're much heavier than a paperclip."

"...did you just call me fat?"

"It's all that popcorn, man."

Victor flicked his tongue out. It didn't come close but Julian was startled into letting him go, and Victor fell on him, pinning him to the bed. "Who's fat now?"

"That doesn't even make any sense," Julian said, grinning up at him. Victor tried to move back, but Julian reached up to hold him still. "We really don't play enough. It's all drama and angst and I know we're teenagers and it pretty much comes with the territory--"

Victor chuckled agreement.

"--but there's gotta be a bit of sunshine in there sometimes. I just." Julian sighed. "I seriously miss Brian, man. I mean, not because of the, you know. Because he was ... Brian."

"Yeah." Victor nodded, thinking about Andi, Sarah, Laz. About Jean-Paul.

"You know Santo takes you seriously, right? Sure, he's kind of a dumbass, but--"

"Yeah." Victor smiled a little, despite himself. "He threatened to quit the team if they didn't let me and Pixie on."

"See?"

"Now if we could just train him to shut up--"

"Like I said: dumbass." They both smiled. "But, you know." Julian's hand on Victor slipped lower. "There's nothing wrong with a bit of a fun." And lower.

"...your hand is on my ass," Victor said.

"Yep." Julian beamed at him.

"Did I mention you were full of yourself?"

"Yep," said Julian. "Wanna make-out?"

Victor laughed. "Santo'll get jealous."

"I'm serious."

"Julian, I like you, but just because you're horny and single doesn't mean--"

"You are too," Julian pointed out. "Single and horny."

"Don't diss the spikes, man."

"Not what I meant. You're a teenaged guy, Vic."

Victor looked down at him. Julian looked suggestively back. His hand was still on Victor's ass. It felt pretty good there. "Friends helping out?"

"It's what we do," Julian agreed.

"If Laura tries to cut off my bits, I am going to be so pissed at you," Victor said, but he was grinning as he leaned down.

~

**INTERSTITIAL**

Is sexuality identity? Is physicality? Are we who we touch? Are we who we love?

One of your friends will kill all of you if you smell wrong. The telepaths say they can't remove the conditioning. One day, perhaps, you will think to ask them why they can't remove the sense of smell. Simple synaesthesia. Everything smells red and blue. And then you will think: how much would I lose to save my friends? How much would I give up? In another future, a friend blows herself up to save the world. For you or from you, it's hard to tell. Perhaps you're all Logan, it's just some of your knife edges are wider. And you will think: what lines have I drawn and just how much will they bend?

You will think: how far can I pushed before I fall? How much can I give up?

Powerless. Useless. Are they the same thing? How does one define the other? How do you define either? Are you 'us' or 'them'? Are you Other? Which is your community now? Perhaps you don't have one. You are here and they are not.

Laurie Collins. Jay Guthrie. Brian Cruz. Callie Betto. Dallas Gibson. Maxwell Jordan. Lazaro Kotikash. Andrea Margulies. Sarah Vale. Hope Abbott. Mark Sheppard. Jessie Vale. And the rest, and what kind of school is this that it needs its own graveyard, that that graveyard is so full?

Sofia left. Kevin left. Were they powerless? Were they useless?

All your friends have superpowers, so maybe they're not your friends. Or maybe you're not theirs. None of your family ever had superpowers, so maybe they're not your family. Maybe you're not theirs. Or you are, and you are. How does it work? When you've been everything and you're nothing, where do you belong?

Who will you be? Who have you been?

~

**WHERE WE WERE**

Detention with Dani went just about as well as expected. Miss Frost had been kind of sympathetic in a 'it's your own fault you were caught' sort of way, but she hadn't let him out of it and, of course, Dani had set them detention together. Like they would suddenly buddy up again. Like Josh hadn't been lying to him all along. Not that Josh had said anything all evening. Just kept shooting him looks while they cleaned up after Parents Week and quickly looking away again every time Julian caught him. Asshole. Dani just sighed when they were done, took the brooms and dismissed them. Julian walked away. Okay, strode away quickly, but he wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of running or flying off.

Which turned out to be a mistake, because it gave Josh a chance to catch up to him.

"Julian! Julian, wait!"

"Fuck off, Foley."

"Wait up! Please!"

Julian raised a hand, but they were right next to the school -- to the damned teacher's lounge -- and there were all those windows and there was no way in hell he was doing another evening of detention with Dani. Rather than flipping Josh over, he just flipped him off and kept walking.

The kid couldn't take a hint. Grabbed his damned arm. "Will you just--"

Julian snatched it back. "Fuck. Off. Foley."

"It's not what you think!"

"It's exactly what I think." He moved. Josh grabbed him again. Julian twisted, shoved the other boy against the wall. "Do you want Frost down on us? Are you suicidal?"

"I just wanted to explain--"

"You were a Reaver. I stood up for you and you were a fucking Reaver. No, Foley, you don't get to explain."

"I'm not like that!"

Great. Yelling. Julian let him drop. "You should just leave."

Josh stayed on his knees. Pleading. "I don't have anywhere else to go."

"Not my problem," Julian said. It wasn't. It wasn't.

"Come on, man. I never-- I changed! I screwed up, I know. I just, I want to make it right. You've got to let me make it right."

"I don't have to do anything. The same way you and your buddies didn't have to hunt down our kind." He stressed the hell out of the 'our'. "We both did want we wanted to do. You wanted to kill your own. I want nothing to do with you. I think this works out well for us."

"I don't! I don't! I was just-- My friends were--"

"If I jumped off the Mansion roof, would you do that too?" He would. Julian could see it in his eyes.

"I know it doesn't excuse it. I messed up, but I'm better now. I swear! Please, Julian. I thought we were friends."

"We were." Emphasis: were.

"I'll do anything."

"Are you crying?" Disgust twisted in his stomach. That's all it was. Disgust. He grabbed Josh's hair, tugged his head back. "Fuck, you are."

"Get off me!" Anger was better than tears, but Josh grabbing him, touching him again -- that was worse. Julian yanked the other boy up, shoved him against the wall again. They'd moved down a bit. No teachers. Not yet, anyway. Julian knew he should just walk away, but Josh was struggling again, so he pushed him back instead, his weight on Josh. "Get off!"

"What, this not good for? Come on, you said anything." Julian sneered. "I beat you up a few times, we call it even?"

"D-don't--" But Josh had stopped moving, gone all submissive under him, breath ragged, cheeks flushed.

Julian moved against him, experimentally. Josh gasped, looked away. Julian smirked.

"Come on, Josh. What are you gonna give me to make it all better? You don't have any friends or family. You don't have any money. Seriously, do you have anything?" When Josh didn't answer, Julian caught his chin, made the other boy face him. "Answer me."

"Fuck you."

"You've got a mouth on you, boy. You should put it to better use." Josh gaped at him, so Julian groped him just to make his point, and, hello. Between the bricks and a hard place there, Josh. Did that make this less or more fucked up? Seriously, what the hell are you doing, Julian? He let Josh go, took a step back. Opened his mouth to say something, only he had no idea what. Certainly not an apology, but. But.

But Josh was fumbling with Julian's belt, face determined, and Julian realised that Josh had misinterpreted the move. Had taken it as 'go' not as 'stop'.

"You really will do anything to fit in, huh?" Julian flicked his head and invisible hands slammed Josh back against the wall, pinned him there. He wouldn't have made the boy do it. He wouldn't have. He wasn't that sort of person. Right? Right? "You're pathetic."

Josh didn't say anything. Maybe he couldn't. Julian was holding him pretty hard. Fuck. Fuck this. He gathered his power, focused it, lifted himself into the air.

"Stay out of my way, Foley."

And then he was gone, high and fast, not letting Josh go until Julian was clear of the roof and there was a whole school between them. That and a Coke or five to get the foul taste out of his mouth would make everything better.

Right?

#

David rubbed at his eyes and tried to focus on the papers in front of him. The problem with always knowing everything in class was that not knowing everything when you were on your own was a bit frustrating. By which he meant 'really, really, really'. Not that he could do anything about it, except study, which is what he was doing, which was frustrating, and round and round it went. Maybe it was time for a break. He pushed the maths away and started to get up when Josh shoved his way into the room, slammed the door behind him, and threw himself into his bed. And now if he left, it would look like it was Josh's fault. And he was trying to be nicer to the other guy, so. Talk? Sh'yeah. So, history, then. He pulled the textbook closer. Fun times. Woo.

Josh sighed.

David ignored him.

Josh rolled over onto his back, first staring at the ceiling, then looking David's way.

David resolutely ignored him.

Josh said, "David?"

David said, "yeah?" because apparently his brain hadn't learned he was ignoring Josh, damn it.

"I -- nothing."

Oh, good. It was going to be one of those sorts of conversations. Well, he knew how to get out of that. He just put his head down and read his book and. And. "What?"

There was a long silence and for a brief moment David entertained the hope that Josh would actually get over it, except:

"I think I'm gay."

Which hadn't even been slightly on his list of expected problems. "Good for you?" he offered.

"I'm serious!"

David sighed. "You're like a walking identity crisis." He closed the textbook, pushed the chair around -- seriously, swivel chairs were great, he really should suggest they put them in the computer room too -- and shifted to get comfortable. "What brought this on."

"I-- There was..." Josh trailed off.

David watched Josh push his back distractedly, noticed the boy's eyes were red. "Okay." He stretched out a hand towards Josh and closed his eyes, brow furrowed.

"David?"

"Shh."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to see if self-pity is a skill I can pick up on." He grinned, opening his eyes and dropping his hand.

"...drop dead."

"Would you like me to get you all the books on adolescent psychology from the library? They're pretty fascinating. You see, there's this whole thing called 'puberty'--"

Josh rolled over, his back to David. "Jerk."

"Let me guess. You got into something with a guy, you got turned on, and you decided to have a sexual crisis instead of just remembering you're a teenager full of hormones that basically make you crazy." There was no response. "You're not gay, Josh. And even if you are, no one is going to care."

"Everybody hates me already."

"They don't. They think you're a jerk, sure, but you haven't given them much reason to think otherwise."

"Don't want a lecture," Josh said, but he rolled over onto his back again, putting his hands behind his head.

"Laurie likes you," David offered.

"Yeah?"

"Yes." 

"Oh." Josh didn't say anything for a while. David turned back to his desk, decided against history in favour of French, changed his mind and picked up his English notes instead. Maybe he could ask Victor about the Shakespeare. Or. "I think Ms. Frost is hot."

"You and half the school," David said, putting the papers back down again.

"I'm just saying. What you said, you're probably right. You're the genius, right?"

"Not really. I just work hard. Yes," he added, looking over his shoulder at the other boy, "that was a pointed comment."

"And I'm not attracted to you."

"I kinda figured."

"Not in a bad way, or anything. I mean, you're good looking--"

"You can stop there, Josh. I get what you meant."

Josh was apparently in a talkative mood, because he didn't so much stop as continue right on with, "I don't know what to do about Julian."

"Leave him alone?" David frowned. "Wait, you and Julian--?"

"No! I mean-- Anyway. You said."

"Yeah."

"I'm trying, you know," Josh said quietly.

"Doing whatever people want to fit in isn't trying, Josh."

"I'm not--!" He subsided. "So what should I do?"

"Maybe you should stop defining yourself by what everybody else wants," David said. "You need to be yourself, Josh; and if that's not what you want, you need to work to change it, for yourself, not for other people."

"What if I don't know what I want?" Josh whined.

"Welcome to life."

"...so, we're talking now."

David smiled. "Don't take this to mean I like you or anything."

"I don't," Josh said. But he smiled back.

~

**INTROSPECTIVE**

Later, he gives you back your eyes. He gives you back your heart. Literally, not metaphorically. Puts his hand on your chest, in it, even, and grows you back a whole heart, valve by valve, chamber by chamber.

You think he might be one of your best friends, and not just because of this. How did that happen? None of you are the people you were. But then is anybody? Life is change. Everybody grows. Some grow up. Some just grow old. Some grow twisted. Some grow broken. Some grow dead.

And you can't give Victor back his arm. You can't give Megan back her soul. You can't give Nori assurance or reassurance.

Josh gave you back your life. How can you repay that? How should you?

They say if you save a person's life, you're responsible for them. Are you responsible for Josh? Is Josh responsible for you? You've saved each other -- are you even, responsible for neither? You've both saved your own lives -- are you responsible for yourselves? Noriko says you think too much and talk too much. Think and talk, think and talk. But isn't that all you have?

Isn't that all you've ever had, no matter how you came by it?

You've seen a future, and everybody dies, but sheer statistics says the worst case scenario isn't inevitable, no matter how it seems. Neither is the best case, of course, but there's that whole wide spectrum of possibility between the two and, surely, somewhere in there, there's a future you can choose for yourself. Talk and think. Talk and think. And everything went to hell. But everything always goes to hell. This (perhaps) is your life now. They could have died. You did die.

But you're still here. So what is this life for?

What could you do? What could you change?

~

**WHERE WE WILL BE**

They took Selene down. They did it. Not the New Mutants, or the Hellions, or even the New X-Men or whatever they were calling themselves these days. All of them, together. And maybe it was a fluke of circumstances, a serendipitous moment of perfect synchronicity, or maybe it was the start of something new, David didn't know. But he knew this: they were alive, and they were together, and they'd taken goddamned Selene down which was even more impressive than the 'Hulk in twenty seconds' thing.

And they'd returned a lost lamb to the fold. Sort of.

Julian was holding court in the infirmary, Laura perched on a chair, Victor on the bed, others crowding around, and Josh moving among them, healing here, healing there. Nori smiled at him from across the room and he smiled back, lifted a hand in a half-wave before turning away. Come on, strategic genius. Come on, Prodigy. How are you going to handle this one?

Kevin was sat at the base of a tree just outside, not exactly in the middle of nowhere, but not really with the crowd, either. Close enough to see them through the window, not quite close enough to listen in.

"Hey," said David, because that was always a good start.

Kevin glanced up at him, then back down. David sat down next to him, leaning back against the tree. Kevin pulled his legs up, wrapped his arms around them, chin on his knees, hair falling in his face.

"You did good," David said. "You saved Nezhno. And Julian."

"He did most of it," Kevin insisted. "He still got hit."

"He didn't get dead." 

"I didn't do anything."

David repeated, "You did good."

Kevin mumbled something, then lifted his head to look at David for a moment. "I think I loved her." He looked away again. "I thought she loved me. I thought-- It felt like love. It really did."

"It always does. You saved a lot of people."

Kevin barked bitter laughter. "I killed a lot of people!"

"I know."

He had. What else was there to say to that? You made your choices and you dealt with the consequences. That was life -- and death. But David didn't know how to say this to Kevin and say it right, so it helped, not made things ever so much worse. Instead, they sat in silence.

The breeze ruffled their hair. David thought briefly of Sofia. Josh was watching them from the infirmary window. David nodded a hello and Josh nodded back and then Alani was tugging Josh back into the crowd and they were alone again.

"It was Selene," he said eventually. "She manipulated you, Kevin. She used you. I know that doesn't make it better, but it's true. And you saved as many as you could, when it counted."

"You know what Julian said? I didn't hear him out before I left. He was on my side, they all were. I could've stayed. None of this was necessary. Maybe--" Kevin swallowed. "Maybe Laurie would still be alive."

"Maybe," said David, though he didn't believe a word of it, "but you can't change what's happened."

"Oh, god. I screwed up so bad."

"Yeah. Don't do it again, we'll call it even."

"They're going to want me to talk about it, aren't they?" Kevin asked. "Ms. Frost and the rest. Cessily tried earlier but I just--" He rubbed at his face, then held his gloved hands out, examining them critically. "Selene was the first person to touch me since this whole thing began. Properly, skin to skin."

"Do you really think you're the first mutant who couldn't be touched?" Kevin didn't answer. "I should introduce you to Rogue."

Still nothing. David sighed and dropped an arm over the other boy's shoulder, ignoring Kevin flinching, stiffening. Cloth against cloth. Perfectly safe.

"Something will be worked out. We've got all the geniuses on our side. And in the mean time," he added, "you have a whole bunch of friends who have already forgiven you for running out on them, just because you're back. That's all it took. So, crap as I'm sure you feel, you're not alone."

"Yeah," Kevin said and, "thanks."

"Don't worry about it." David gave him a tight, one-armed hug. "You're going to sit out here for a while, huh?"

"Tell them-- Tell them I'll be in." David looked at him. Kevin managed a smile. "I will be, I promise."

"I already believed you." David hugged him again, then let him go, pushing himself up to his feet. "There'll be food in the kitchen if you want. Or if you don't. Either way."

"Kitchen," Kevin said.

"Kitchen," David agreed, smiling. "It really is good to have you back."

"It's good to be back," Kevin said. "I just need to take it slow. Can you tell them that?"

"Sure," David said. He looked back at the infirmary window. Josh was watching them again. What did Mister Strategy make of that? He'd just have to see. "See you later."

"Later." Kevin nodded, and went back to leaning against the tree.

#

Later came and went and the stars came out, glittering over the carapaces of the Sentinels standing guard from within and without. It was a cool night, just cold enough to be pleasant. The crowd had left the infirmary, mostly, but Kevin could still see Julian in the bed, Victor sleeping on him, Laura, too. The three of them, together, touching. Not a sex thing. A friend thing. Friends touched friends. Wasn't that how it worked? And for all David said, Kevin couldn't touch anything. Couldn't touch any--

"Hello."

\--body. He blinked up at Josh. Josh, who gleamed in the starlight, dark shadows moving on his skin, ink in gold water.

"That's new," Kevin said. "Repaint?"

"I killed the man that killed Laurie," Josh said, tonelessly. Like he was talking about the weather.

"...good," Kevin said. "I hope it hurt."

"It did," Josh said. "Him and me. You understand that."

It wasn't a question, which was good, because Kevin did. He could remember the feel of skin growing dry, dusty, crumbling under his hands, the sick relief of it, all delight and disgust and not being able to tell where one ended, the other began, or what it meant, if it meant anything. Of all the things he didn't want to talk about, that was right up there.

"I was thinking," Josh said. It sounded like the start of something, but nothing followed it. Maybe he was still thinking.

"I don't blame you," Kevin said. "Julian told me -- but it wasn't your fault. That you couldn't save her."

"I didn't know enough. I needed to be more. To do more." The darkness swirled. Josh's eyes gleamed gold. "I'm better now."

"That's good?" Kevin had no idea at all how to respond to that.

"Yeah."

They both looked up as light flashed past overhead. A shooting star, perhaps, although judging by the way the Sentinels' heads turned and then turned back it was more likely a student. Kevin made a wish anyway. Every little bit counted, right? Josh was watching him. Kevin couldn't read his expression, not when he was just standing there, or when he crouched down so Kevin didn't have to crane his head.

"Better?"

"I don't know what I'm doing," Kevin admitted.

"You're sitting under a tree."

"That's not what I meant."

"There's no point over-complicating things," Josh advised. "It's bad enough when David does it."

"You think this is simple?"

"Yes." Josh nodded. "This is your home. This is where you belong."

"Yeah, everybody wants Wither back on the team--"

"No." Josh shook his head. "They want Kevin on the team. That's who you are."

"No shit?" Kevin sneered. "Who's that then? Because I don't know."

"I've been there. You need to be yourself, and if that's not what you want, you need to work to change it, for yourself, not for other people." Josh smiled. "David told me to figure out what I wanted, but I think I did it the wrong way around. I didn't want anyone else to hurt as much as I did. So I made myself better."

"You know you're kinda creepy now, right?" Josh smiled wider. "I don't think I can do it," Kevin said. "I'm not going to run off again, but. I don't think I can put on a uniform."

"No one said you had to," Josh said calmly. "It really doesn't matter if you're here to fight crime or champion mutants or make pretty art out of Sentinel scrap. That's not what the team is about."

"I'm pretty the fighting is what being in the X-Men is for."

Josh shook his head. "It's about being there for people, however we can. Us for you and you for us."

"What good am I to you?" Kevin asked bitterly. "All I've done is screw things up, over and over. I've hurt everyone I loved."

"Me too," Josh said. "It sucks. They get over it. You learn to live with it."

"If you say 'it just takes time' I'm going to smack you one."

"I wasn't going to. But, like I said, I was thinking."

"About what?"

"I was thinking," Josh said, "about how you stop a teenager being all dark and twisty and I was wondering if you'd like to make out."

Kevin stared. "...that's not fucking funny, Foley."

"It wasn't supposed to be."

"I don't know what you think you're playing at--"

Kevin tried to get up but Josh grabbed him. "I'm not playing at anything."

"I'm not gay."

"Me neither. I bet we both had a bit of a crush on Julian, though."

Kevin started to deny this, but it turned into a yelp when he realised Josh was reaching out to touch him. He batted the other boy's hand aside. "Are you suicidal?!"

"No," said Josh. "You can't hurt me. Not like this."

"You couldn't fix Laurie--"

The rest of that was lost in the sudden press of lips against his, soft but insistent. Kevin felt his power kick in, felt the twist, the sickening, satisfying drain, and tried to pull back, except Josh moved with him and he felt something else, a crackle of heat, a spark, and, oh yeah, Josh's tongue swiping against his lower lip. He struggled, getting the other boy to back off, eyes frantically searching gold features for signs of withering.

"I got better," Josh repeated, gently. "See?"

"You can't just-- You kissed me!"

"Yes," Josh said, and did it again while Kevin was still gaping at him. "Still feeling angsty?"

"Confused, mostly," Kevin said truthfully.

"Fun, isn't it?"

"I don't--" Kevin grabbed Josh when he tried to do it again. "What is this?"

Josh considered the question seriously. "It could be because we're all that's left of Laurie. It could be because I have this weird need to heal everybody. It could be because I think you need it. I could just be making some totally weird point about how you're not untouchable. I could be testing the limits of my powers. It could be that I'm horny and you're single. It could be that my girlfriend thinks guys making out is hot, or that I'm trying to make Cessily jealous so she'll make a claim on you, which might actually cheer her up some. It could just be because we're sort of vaguely friends in a way and you looked like you needed it. It could be lots of things. What do you think?"

Kevin stared. "Could it be because you're crazy in the head?"

"Could be." Josh grinned. "Mostly I just wanted to say, you haven't lost anything. Also, you're pretty cute for a guy."

"Right," said Kevin. "What?"

Josh laughed. "You could just tell me to stop." He leaned in again.

"Don't," said Kevin and then, when Josh started backing away, added, "stop, I mean. Don't stop."

Josh didn't.

~

**WHERE WE GO OUT**

And here you are. Packing again. Like before. Like always. 

Shirt in the bag. Leave. Uniform. Stay. Pants in the bag. Leave. How many times have you done this? Go to college. Be a normal boy, whatever that is. Be a team member. Be a good mutant. Be a good human. Be something. What?

Shove it all in the bag and forget about it. Forget about them.

There's the photo. Your old squad. Two are gone, now. Three, perhaps. Four? Five?

"Hello, David," the cuckoos say. All together.

It's dark in the room but you can see them clearly because of Josh, like dolls, all the same. They say they know why she did it. Dear sweet, scared Noriko. You know too. You've always known. That's what you were good at. Knowing things. And what do you know now?

"We want to help you."

(Sophie, Phoebe, Imelda, Celeste, Esme. Two are dead, and Imelda calls herself Mindee now. You'd know why, if you could remember.)

"We want to help you remember everything you forgot."

It's too much. Everything is too much. You've never been one of them. You've never split atoms with your thoughts, never raised the dead, never commanded the elements, never shot beams from your eyes on your hands or danced in shadows or blinked from one place to another. All you've ever done is know, maybe, where to push.

Give me a lever and a place to stand, and I can move the world. Give me the right word in the right place, and I can save it. Give me the right fact. Give me the right name.

You know why Noriko kissed Julian. You know who Julian was, and who he is, and who he might be. You know Noriko. You know Josh. You know them all. And what about David? Do you know him? Who is he? Who are you? The cuckoos are talking. The phoenix dies to live, destroys to create, burns away what does not work. And anyway, what do they know? They can't feel. Who are they now? The thousand, the five, the three in one. How many people are you?

(Sapien. Mutant. Flatscan go home.)

Where is your home? Where do you belong? What is your name?

You touch the photo, and you make your choice.

(Who are you.)

 


End file.
